Reverend Fatawu called and asked me to visit him. I knew something was going to be asked of me. I went and we sat together. He reminded me how a few months ago, Faako church had a “Marriage Night”, where there was talk on how to help your marriage, what does God say about marriage and a time for questions and answers. He told me there were about 60 people and 3 couples were not even Christians. That led to his question to me. Would I be willing to do a “Singles Night” or a talk on singleness? Usually, I hem and haw about things. Usually, I think there is no way I can do whatever is asked. Usually, I just say that is not my thing and volunteer someone else. 😊 And, usually, I end up doing what is asked. And, also in this case, when he asked me about the singles night, I immediately said YES. That was right up my alley and something that is important.
I sent out prayer requests to everyone. People near, people far. We prayed for the Holy Spirit to do what He wants. I was encouraged in the Word from the book of Jonah. When Jonah told the people what God wanted to say, it was a handful of words or something. Something like, “Repent or in 40 days God will destroy you.” Those words brought a city into repentance. People cried out, they wore sackcloth, they fasted, and they even made their animals put on sackcloth. There hearts were moved. It was not the delivery of the message; it was the Word of God. I was like, “OK, Lord, I will do my best and say what you give me, and you are the one working in people’s hearts.” That gave me peace.
The night came and I went to speak. Um, it was more than a handful of words ha ha! During my talk I could see smirks on people’s faces when they caught my examples or a chuckle when they knew exactly what I was talking about. (I love those moments!)
After I spoke there was a time for questions. One question was asked, “How did you remain a virgin, I mean, HOW?” In the talk I openly shared that I was. I heard his question, but I could not form an answer. The only thing that came to my mind was, “GRACE”. I paused a bit. I did say that it was God, but I told him it sounded so trite. But really, it was. I also added that I am a 4th generation Christian, I have had good influences around me growing up, and I have women in my family who share their struggles openly. But, still, it was GRACE.
The next day I went over that question again. How did I do that? How have I remained a virgin? I don’t know. You see, for many years I put myself in stupid, dangerous situations regarding men because of some need in me that I thought it would fill. It never filled me. I went as close to the line as I could go without giving my whole self away justifying everything. I struggled with this cycle for several decades. And so, hearing that question jolted something inside of me, something that I had taken for granted. All those years of sin, how am I still standing? I really could only respond with, “GRACE”. And I cried. I cried because God’s love was thrown upon me. It’s like I was seeing how many years He was pursuing me, and I kept waving Him away. How many years did He watch me, telling me thru His Word or thru others that I didn’t need to put myself out there like that? How many times did He welcome me back? How many times did I tell Him I would never do it again…and then did? How much GRACE has He given to me? I cannot even count. I was so reminded of God’s amazingness. I told my sister that we could never invent a God like this. A God who is slow to anger and compassionate. A God that lets me turn away though He knows He is the best thing for me. The day after my talk was a day of crying-joy. I had tears the whole day remembering how patient He is with me, how much He has forgiven me, how He has never left me, and yet, how I, myself, turn people away after just a couple of failings!! I am so impatient. I have such a lack of grace. Oh, Sherri, Sherri… (Sigh) But the joy that rides on those tears are the same. God is patient with me. God has forgiven me. God has never left me, even when I am short with others. How can He be like that? How can He love like that?
I was blessed to be able to share my experiences of being single and how I got through hard times. But I was blessed more to feel deeply the GRACE and love lavished on me in my ridiculousness. I was blessed that God worked in me and continues to work in me. It is now weeks later, and I still am aware of the GRACE and love on me. And, yes, the tears still come.
I am grateful. Thank you for praying.
